Revolutionary Resolutions: Reaching for Heartfelt Connections & Authentic Living
This year is going to be different. Hear me out.
Whether it’s a list of resolutions or simply a “word of the year,” you may be thinking of what you want to accomplish or change in 2024. And if you’re anything like me, you already know that by March these ideas and goals will be a distant memory buried under so much laundry covering that bike in the corner.
This year, I want to propose a revolution: let’s ditch the lists that just make us feel disappointed in ourselves. No more!
As we greet the New Year, let's embrace a blend of the warmth and wisdom of respected researchers like Brené Brown and Sue Johnson. This isn't about crafting some exhaustive list of goals; it’s about nurturing a deeper connection with ourselves and those around us. Let's focus on resolutions that resonate with our true selves and strengthen our bonds with others. It’s what we know actually leads to health and happiness.
Blending Vulnerability with Deep Connections: Our Guide for the Year
Our “revolutionary resolutions” are going to guide us towards a life rich in authenticity and meaningful relationships, inspired by the principles of vulnerability (Brené Brown) and emotional bonding (Sue Johnson).
1. Honesty in Relationships and with Ourselves
Let’s start by being open and honest, not just with others, but with ourselves too. It’s about having the courage to show up as ourselves and embracing the beauty of being real and vulnerable. It’s about having healthy boundaries but not wearing armor with others and seeing them as they truly are as well.
2. Growing Our Emotional Garden
Like nurturing a garden, growing our emotional understanding requires consistent care and effort. Let’s add simple moments of mindfulness to our day. Whether it’s a short breathing exercise, closing our eyes as we hold a warm mug and inhale its contents, or just sitting quietly for 5 minutes – mindfulness can be practiced anywhere, anytime. (Life Hack: Come back to our newsletter each month for new ideas!)
3. Building Trustworthy, Genuine Relationships
Whether it’s a friend or a partner, I love the idea of “flannel pajama” relationships. Aim to create relationships that are as comforting and reliable as your favorite pajamas or faded sweatshirt. When we make the ones we care about feel safe and loved just as they are, and we strive to be seen and known ourselves, this kind of deeply felt security and trustworthiness is possible.
4. Conversations from the Heart
One of the many things I love about being a therapist is that I get to be part of real, meaningful conversations every day. We are rarely afforded such open-hearted moments out there on the other side of the door. And yet after nearly 20 years of this work I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t long for more of this in their personal lives. Let’s start talking openly and listening deeply to others. Let’s build genuine connections.
5. “Talk to Yourself the Way You’d Talk to Someone You Love” – Brené Brown
Let’s all extend kindness and understanding to ourselves more generously. Too often we extend grace to others but hold ourselves to the toughest expectations. Self-compassion is vital for personal well-being, as well as nurturing our relationships. It’s more than soothing – it’s necessary.
6. Prioritizing Meaningful Interactions
Notice the word “meaningful” there. Not epic, not grand, not insta-worthy. Just. Meaningful. Every study we read over and over confirms that emotional intimacy is built in small moment after small moment. Take a risk: reach out to an old friend you think about or ask your partner to do something without the two of you being distracted. Consciously choose to spend quality time with loved ones. These moments are where we find the essence of connection and joy.
7. Thoughtful Responses When Folks Get Emotional
This is a revolutionary resolution I could write about forever, and it comes up in sessions every single day. Sometimes connecting conversations don’t go so well, and emotions can run high. It’s hard to connect when we are feeling defensive or unheard. First thing: take a break to go soothe yourself physiologically. When you return, respond mindfully in emotional situations. Thoughtful responses even in hard conversations can deepen our connections and understanding, fostering stronger relationships. Struggling to do this in real life? We can absolutely show you how to do that!
8. Shared Journeys of Emotional Growth
This is like #4 above, but instead of the occasional intentional conversation moment - what if we were to commit to growing closer to our people by making this a regular thing? Maybe you and a friend could pick a thought-provoking book to read and then get together to share about it. Maybe you can watch a movie and discuss it with your whole family over dinner once a month. Maybe you and your partner could commit to coming to therapy not because you’re in trouble, but because you want to be amazing.
9. Embracing Life as a Continuous Learning Process
This “revolutionary resolutions” idea was partly a push back against perfectionism. Reminding ourselves that life is a constant process of learning and making mistakes and learning again. Are you being kind? Are you doing your best? If so then you’re doing great, friend. If not, then what’s in the way? Getting curious instead of passing judgement is how we develop real resilience and growth.
10. Recognize All Steps Forward, Celebrate Showing Up
These resolutions are not one-and-done. They are a lifelong practice (see #9). It’s so important to recognize our steady tending to connections with others, to love ourselves for showing up in the arena over and over again. You can do this! You can do this, and I think you are beautiful for all your humanity and endeavoring.